The year had started with its fair share of problems - I was in a new class with new people whom I either saw, but did not knew, or did not knew existed in school before (how anti-social I am). I was feeling quite out-of-place, I guess. I did confide some of these feelings with my friend, and was surprised to find out that hey, I am not the only one! I guess I thought that I was the only one who would feel this way, but I was relieved to know that I was not alone.
New friendships were forged between my new classmates, almost strangers before, and I. This kind of feeling is kind of exhilarating. Knowing that I can still make friends after being with the same class for 2 years is kind of reassuring in a way, I guess. :)
This year was also a year where I had gone through some roller-coaster ride I guess. One of which was the MPP journey. I must confess that not everything is as perfect as it seems. I guess this happens because of our lack of willingness to give our best for something - we want something, but are not willing to work hard for it. Because of my team members' lack of enthusiasm and initiative, I got really frustrated and upset. I was fuming inside because I was astounded to their degree of 'unwillingness'. Because of that, I typed an email (while trying to be as polite as possible, but I believe I failed) expressing my disappointment with their attitude. What happened, was I guess really just a confession of my feelings as well as theirs. I think that after seeing things from my perspective, they are able to understand the tough spot I am in as the group leader. And I also believe that by winning the best Gov debate team award, it was a stamp of approval of us, and a definite boost to our confidence. I know that they were able to do it, and this was proof of it. :)
I was also facing some insecurities, not just with my class, but with my CCA as well. After all, I had transferred, thus making my transition a bit 'weird'. The fact that I am not spectacular or proficient in my chinese adds on to the awkwardness. After hearing some things that I shouldn't, and did not want to, I felt really sad and angry. At myself as well as others. A million thoughts had ran through my head and I wondered, if it was not due to the single mistake of who-knows-who, how different might my secondary school life have turned out? I have since accepted the truth of it. Since it's already done, then it is done. What I am just really looking forward to now, is to just pass this phase and look forward to the next. And I promise that I will definitely get things the way I want in the future.
I would like to say that academic-wise, I am not doing too badly. My wish would be to get into the top 5% of my level. I would see if that comes true tomorrow. *excited* Although, I do feel that I could have done better. I have worked hard, of course. But perhaps if I had worked harder, I would have been better. This is what I always regret, but then it is the driving force for me as well.
Oh look! And there is a whole reflection from my about me whole year! My teachers would have been proud of me. :)
Just one more year to senior high!
