the future

I just had a gathering with a group of close friends yesterday. Though there were probably some incidents along the way, overall, I had a lot of fun. We had steamboat (we bought too much food) and talked about random stuff. While chatting, somehow the topic of our future love interests kept coming. Though it will probably be something that all of us with interact sometime, it still feels very distant and alien to someone like me who has zero dating / falling in love experience. 

We predicted what characteristics our future boyfriends would possess and questioned a lot of possible scenarios that may happen. It was a lot of fun, but it also made me feel weird, because everything just still seems so far-fetched. I think it is the effect of being in the same school for 6 years; somehow, I feel as if time is standing still and that I have not grown up to be an 'adult' yet. (Speaking of which, I really hate adult fare prices for public transport.) The idea of going to school is still very familiar to me. Frankly, it is also the thought of the familiar that makes me afraid of the thought of the unknown - university, new friends, workplaces, colleagues. Somehow, I do feel like I want to be stuck in this continuum forever.

Which also leads me to talk about my applications for universities and scholarships. There is a scholarship which I am really interested in and I really hope that I will be able to get in for it. Yet, the fear of disappointment always looms (not that it stops me from trying). Somehow, previous disappointments still hang around in my mind and I have always had some inclination towards pessimism ever since then.

I can only do my best and hope that everything goes well.

And that my friends will always be a constant :)

A-levels

I am currently in the midst of A-levels... which probably means this is a bad time to post, but whatever~~

Preparing for A-levels the past 2 months has been excruciating because it seems like a very prolonged process with no end in sight. Yet, lo and behold, I am right in the middle of it and am left with about 20 days to the end of it! WOW.

Hmm.. even while I am in the midst of it, I do feel strangely... 'not-as-stressed-as-I-thought-I-would-be'. I wonder why. Yet I know that at this very moment, there will be people panicking.

This papers which I definitely very afraid of are my Humanities subjects though - Economics and History. Somehow, these two feel like bombs waiting to drop on me...

Ah well, since it's come to this point, there is not much I can do.

Meanwhile, I have started reading Gintama (I can already hear people reading this going like WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING SUEQIN). And I am really liking this character called Tsukuyo (I am basically just skipping chapters to read parts with her.)

ANYWAY, I HOPE THAT A-LEVELS WOULD PASS BY PEACEFULLY AND THAT GOOD NEWS WOULD FALL UPON US COME MARCH NEXT YEAR. WOOHOO.

Strong female leads

Hey there! I was talking with two of my friends about how we no longer update our blogs, so I just decided to do so on a whim. 

My life so far has been a mix of studying, manga, movies and just struggling to hang on til my mid-year exams start.

Anyway, an interesting thing I heard on the radio was about how some Chinese tours to Malaysia have been cancelled, about 60 flights I heard. The Malaysian government hopes to recover these losses by getting more Singaporeans over the causeway. Somehow it is just really funny how the easiest way to recoup your losses is to turn over and look at one's neighbour.

Random facts aside, something which I had a fascination with (and still do): manga with PHYSICALLY strong girls. I guess it started with this manga called ORESAMA TEACHER.

This manga is really awesome by the way. It talks about this girl Mafuyu who has recently transferred. In her previous high school, she was the Banchou (head of all the school's delinquents), so she's this SUPER STRONG GIRL. At her new school, her teacher (Saeki) ends up being her previous neighbour who's a few years older than her (not your teacher-student love relationship here phew). She starts hanging out with a delinquent (Hayasaka) who's her desk partner even though she wanted to live a 'normal school girl life' after transferring. Anyway, Mafuyu and Hayasaka gets wrapped up in the plans of Saeki regarding the school and ends up in the Disciplinary Club where she has to keep her strong fighting abilities a secret whilst helping Hayasaka. It's really funny because Mafuyu has to appear in the form of Natsuo (dressed up as a guy) and Usa-Chan Man (a creepy girl with a rabbit mask) in order to help Hayasaka out whenever he's in danger without exposing herself! 

Okay, so this Mafuyu is JUST SO FREAKING AWESOME. SHE'S SO STRONG I CANT HELP IT. Whenever she kicks ass I just go HOORAY for her ahhaahh. 

So this is her. THESE ARE ALL HER BY THE WAY. The guy and the weird rabbit face being her disguise HAHAHAHHA. Anyway, if anyone wants a time-out or comic relief, this manga is definitely something I would recommend. Plus, the girl is not some whiny crybaby (I APPROVE).

After this, I went on a rampage and found these other manga where the girl is awesomely strong:

Matsuri Special

Ichi

Chang Ge Xing / Choukakou

Superior

Anyway, I find great satisfaction whenever I read manga like this because something like this cannot possibly happen in real-life. I mean, considering all the physical constraints of a man vs a woman. Therefore, it's great that I can indulge in a manga where the woman is stronger than most man (MAFUYU IS FREAKING AWESOME AS NATSUO). It's also good to see a woman being physically and mentally strong, so I think it's nice for a change hahaha - feminist me. 

Speaking of strong female leads, I saw Maleficent! It wasn't magnificent (get it???) but it was passable. Seriously, just watch it for Angelina Jolie. They should have probably made her stronger/more powerful though, would have loved to see that!

Yeap, as you can see, in between my studying, I have been distracted by such stuff. VERY DISTRACTED. 

Ah~ but one needs her break from time to time, ya know?

So, this is my first update in aeons.

Signing off and wishing me good luck for exams!

Chinese New Year

Chinese New Year is finally over.

I had gatherings with families and friends, which was a pretty enjoyable and good memory and experience. I don't know what the new year will bring; I hope that it will be something good as this year is my a level year. I hope that I will be able to score well. My teacher told me that this Chinese New Year will be the last holiday of the year for all the years 6. That is actually kind of depressing which is why I have been looking to the end of this Chinese New Year holiday with a certain kind of dread. Oh well, good luck for myself and everybody else!

恭喜发财! 马年行大运! 学业进步!

Dreams

Today, I have 2 types of dreams I would like to talk about.

Firstly, I would like to talk about dreams in the form of ambitions and life goals. I watched The Secret Life of Walter Mitty this afternoon with my friends. Frankly speaking, I did not have high expectations of the movie before watching it. To me, a movie about delusions which would probably never come true did not seem at all appealing to me; furthermore, Ben Stiller is not exactly a perfect eye candy either.

However, the film managed to pleasantly surprise me. It was definitely not an Oscar winner or anything, but it was many things as well. It was actually rather funny (considering that Ben Stiller's funny is not usually my kind of funny), exciting, touching, and in many ways, inspiring. The movie definitely got me and my friends thinking about our own lives and dreams. Were we another Walter Mitty, simply living our lives without trying new, dangerous and courageous acts? Personally, I have felt that way many times in the past few years. I feel that I have not found my purpose in life. I do not feel the drive or motivation for something bigger, better. All I do is probably, day-dream. As I watch Walter Mitty go on a journey of self-discovery and in many ways, self-rediscovery, I wonder if I will ever be given an opportunity like him to do so? And if I never do, will I be brave enough to venture out of my comfort zone and unearth the opportunities lying in wait? The future is a terrible void which I am definitely very much afraid of - both of entering in, and of not entering in.

While me and my friends were on the topic of day-dreams, we moved on to the other form of dreams: dreams when we sleep. The conversation made me remember a dream I had rather recently which I thought had some form of significant meaning.

My dream
    I was going to take my A-levels Maths examination. I entered the exam venue. I was carrying with me a cage containing my brother's hamster (my brother recently bought a hamster, for real. I can guessing this is why the hamster appeared in my dreams). For some strange reason or another, the centre actually had a corner for students to place their cages of pets while we took the exam. After placing the hamster there, I proceeded to check my seat number which was written on the whiteboard. Here is probably where the tension started.
    I tried to decipher the handwriting; I took a guess at which number it was supposed to be. However, I had a hard time trying to remember my seat number despite four attempts to commit it to memory. I was feeling mildly nervous by this time before the exam. As I went to place my bag down, I bumped into someone. I unconsciously uttered "F***!" (I DO NOT usually say this in real life unless I am extremely emotional) The person who bumped into me did not apologise at all, which made me annoyed at his lack of manners. At this point in time, a strict male teacher went up to me regarding my use of language. I explained to him that I accidentally said the word. Furthermore, I pointed out that the person who bumped into me did not apologise. The teacher then spoke to the boy who bumped into me, and managed to get an apology out of him. After that, the teacher let the boy go, but continued to lecture me.
    I tried to get him to know that I understood that I was wrong in saying the f word; however, I also wanted to let him know that I did not do so intentionally. The teacher either did not get the message, or was simply denying it. Either way, he kept pushing the subject further and trying the push the blame on me. I was feeling very frustrated because I felt he was making this unnecessarily serious. Compounded with the stress before an exam, I blurted out "What the hell." And apparently, this teacher was a Christian (no offence intended for what's to follow). Upon hearing this, the teacher got angrier. To the devout Christian that he was, the mentioning of hell as if it were something light make him furious. I immediately knew that I was wrong, but yet I could not hide the indignation that I felt in that dream. I started rebutting against him. To which, he started preaching about God and how my behaviour was 'unholy'. In that dream, I felt very upset. I felt it unfair that he was judging me based on his religious beliefs (this is probably because I am a free thinker). I got so emotional that I actually started crying.
    I remember covering my face with my hands and asking, "Why are you doing this to me?"
    At that moment, my dream ended because I knew I was dreaming the moment my hands touched my face. When I woke up, I was crying. For real.
~

I am not trying to imply anything about Christianity in this dream. It probably just so happened that the teacher was a Christian. Anyway, it has been a while that I actually cry in real-life in response to a dream. It happens sometimes, but it's been a while.

Either way, the underlying message about this dream is probably how one should not impose one's beliefs upon others. With regards to religion, it probably felt very oppressive to me as a free thinker to have to receive to a scolding based on religious presumptions which I might not agree with. It definitely felt unfair and wrong to the me in the dream. I felt wronged and misunderstood, so much so that I would actually cry.
Just a food for thought for everyone.


Dreams are important, whether real or imagined. 
They give birth to confidence of ourselves.

An Idea

Here's an idea I had while studying. I find typing out content from printed material annoyingly slow and painful. So here's an idea to design a device that allows the user to transfer text from printed material to an online format. Important sentences are often highlighted; so, when one spots something important, the user will use the device to highlight it. As the device highlights the words, the device will scan the alphabets and words and type it out automatically on the computer. This would be especially useful to students (AKA ME), more so when we make use of library books, where we cannot make highlights or marks on them.

So, someone good enough in the engineering department please help me construct this device so that I can use it hahaha,

Vietnam

It's almost the middle of December already. How fast time flies.

Meanwhile, here are a few things that I've been up to. 

I have been crazing over Icona Pop recently. I love their songs because the tune is so easy to get. Their songs are those which you can easily sing to and just dance to. I can actually imagine myself cycling in the middle of nowhere while blasting their songs.

Oh, and I went to Vietnam on a learning journey. I must say that I learnt quite a fair bit during this trip, as compared to the UK trip. Vietnam was very different from what I imagined. When I imagined cities, I thought Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh would be a second Singapore. However, it was just another version of Geylang. I guess I took Singapore's modern-ness for granted. Imagine how long and how much it took to transform Singapore from how Vietnam is now to our modernized, skyscraper-filled city. I didn't know how drastic the difference between our city and others could be. The trip to Vietnam made me realise that.

Vietnam's traffic is crazy as well. Motorcycles are the main form of transport, mainly because they are cheap and fast. I easily see 20 motorcycles for every one car. Pedestrian crossings are for show. No one actually stops for you when you want to cross. You simply cross the road at a predictable speed and hope that no vehicle actually knocks you down. As a Singaporean, even simply crossing the road is an exhilarating experience. 

I would say that MNCs' reach on Vietnam is still not as pervasive as that of Singapore's. You can still see shops set up by locals. It is kind of like those kind of shops you still see in Kallang Shopping Centre. Yet, you can still guess that some get their goods from the same suppliers, as seen by the fact that they all sell the same type of souvenirs.

There are still a lot of farms. You easily see buffaloes, ducks, chickens when we drive by.

We went to the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum. It was interesting, but overtly serious in my perspective. Everyone had to walk in twos. You could only probably grab a glimpse of Ho Chi Minh's body for 30 seconds as you walk around him. In fact, while the significance of preserving his body is important, I do not know if it was truly worth it. Would Ho Chi Minh himself want his body to stay this way forever? Mr Tan (my teacher) said that Minh did not want his body to be preserved. And yet, it is still this way now. I am not sure, but it does say something about how Vietnam is very desperate to hold onto this piece of history. For what reason do I feel this sense of desperation, I do not know.

We were invited to the Vietnam National University where we attended a talk by Dr Tran. We discussed several issues regarding Vietnam. It is interesting how Dr Tran kept emphasising the importance of education and how Singapore is a very good model for them to study. I guess one of the important issues highlighted is how the farmers and the poor are going to rise up the social ladder given that uneducated parents might just want their children to work on the fields, and refuse to send them to school. What's made it worse is the fact that most good universities are in the cities, far from the rural areas. This is probably one problem Singapore did not have to contend with given our small size - a blessing in disguise after seeing Vietnam. 

A few of us also spoke with the tour guide (away from the speakers) on several issues which are considered quite taboo. Apparently, the reason why Dr Tran was seemingly evading our questions was because there might be the existence of, get this, spies in the university. O_O Furthermore, turns out there was a recent release of information showing corruption in the government (I am not very updated on news of Vietnam so I knew nothing about it). I looked it up and apparently, they have a Vietnam Anti-Corruption Initiative Program. 55% of Vietnamese also felt an increase in corruption. Wow, talk about a lack of trust in the government. Furthermore, there has been a noticeable burnt smell in the air ever since we arrived. Environmental concerns are a problem as well. Vietnam indeed has a lot of problems to contend with and manage all the while developing as a nation. Despite such problems facing them, when I asked the tour guide if he still loves his nation, he replied vehemently with a 'yes'. To him, this is his country no matter what, for better or worse. Even if he goes overseas for many years, he believes he will still eventually return. He is not going anywhere. Such patriotism despite the pitfalls of a country is something I really admire, and wish for Singaporeans to have. Many Singaporeans do not feel such passion - they immediately contend with the idea of immigration whenever they feel stifled in Singapore. 

I learnt a lot during this trip and I felt that I understood the culture of another country much better. I now know that each country has its own 'flavour'. While being there as a tourist, I felt so out of place in some sense. As if I could not 'connect' with Vietnam - how it looks like, how it works, how it smells, how it tastes like (food is important). I am still a person just LOOKING in, but am not involved in the activities on the other side. 

Lastly, I also made a few friends there! I still remembering staying up til 4.30am playing Truth and Dare :D Had great fun with the people on this trip as well :)

 Ha Long Bay

 The Vietnam Trip Group (excluding Mr Tan haha - he was the photographer)

Ages

It has been so long since I last blogged. I've been busy these past few months, what with the common tests, project work stuff and promotional exams. My promos just ended 2 days ago, so I am finally taking this time now to blog.

I havent been doing much lately. In fact, during the days when I was studying, I took every opportunity I could to do something 'forbidden', or in other words, not strictly studying-related. But still, those were the moments for which I could have some time for me to relax.

I have been pretty excited about the fact that Katy Perry is coming out with a new album. This happened during my pre- and during the promos period, which was some nice timing because it gave me something to look forward to and get excited for in the midst of all the boring studying sessions :)
I am gonna buy the new album when it comes out!!! :D

Anyway, how I spent my post-promos celebrations:
WITH HUIYI AND JIEYING.
Truthfully, I was a little hesitant at first because both of them looked so sad after the Maths paper, so I thought that going out to celebrate and do something would feel... weird? Wrong? Insulting? On one hand, I had friends who felt depressed over the paper; on the other, I was BURSTING WITH HAPPINESS after the paper ended! (I felt so hyper before the paper actually started that I couldn't stop smiling. Weird, but you could imagine my level of happiness that promos was ending.) However, I managed to get both of them to watch The Mortal Instruments with me in the end.
We ate at Paradise Inn, where we talked and laughed a lot - what happens when the three of us get together.
Afterwards, we rushed to Shaw Lido, thinking there will be seats, but in the end, only the first TWO rows were left. I was undecided because I HATED sitting in the front. However, I realised that if we just went home like that, it would seem wasted, so we decided to go ahead and watch the movie.
The second row wasnt that bad (since Shaw tends to have an elevated platform for all the seats). The movie plot was so interesting! The 3 of us were probably the noisiest in the cinema, judging by our comments/screams/laughter. Oh, and we found a new eye candy: Jamie Campbell Bower! He has this really exotic British look. Anyway, the movie was really unexpectedly enjoyable and I'm really glad we chose to watch it in the end.
I think that our 'celebration' went pretty well :) And I'm pretty sure their moods were also lifted! yay! :DD

By the way, I just finished this book called The Age of Miracles by Karen Thompson Walker.The book has an engaging and interesting plotline. The story is tinged with nostalgic, as many things that the narrator goes through become her last ever experience. A recommended read :)

Pre-university seminar

I realised that I was supposed to talk about my pre-u seminar a long time ago.. so here it is!

My DHS group consisted of me, Dion, Joan, Louis and Jun Hao.

Truthfully, before the pre-u sem started, I was feeling rather frustrated because my group (with 3 other schools) did not seem very productive or committed. Furthermore, there were many things which I felt was left undone. However, I managed to meet up with a small group of them and we managed to discuss out a proposal which would eventually result in us succeeding in this pre-u sem :)

The first day at NUS was pretty fun. I was apprehensive at first but eventually told myself to just enjoy the moment and not think too much :) The first day's schedule was rather boring though as it was mainly spent at the auditorium listening to stuff. 

The day ended with group discussions as we all struggled to meet deadlines here and there.

Oh, and I was pretty lucky to have managed to get this combined room with 5 other DHS girls. The combined room had its own toilets and living room so it was pretty lucky for us, compared to the others who had to use the public toilets outside. The room was really nice, with a cupboard and table!

The second day consisted of us presenting our rough idea to 3 guests. Our idea was praised, so I was really happy! :D I think we had some bonding activities too. During the lunch periods etc, I really managed to get closer with some of my group members :) Afterwards, I think the day was mostly took up by us trying to unify the various ideas and bring them all together.

The third day was for us to present our unified ideas to the other participants, of which we would vote for which one would be presented to the minister of education, Mr Heng on the last day. There was quite a bit of drama that happened, but eventually, our unified plan was selected. It was also during this period that we were supposed to play some bonding games. However, I was unable to join them because the original presenters did not consist of any Dunmanians. We would like to have one, so I was chosen as an additional presenters since I was involved in the whole process. 

That was the last night and we played a while with the group. I would have liked to stay up a little later, but I've got to wake up early tomorrow to memorise the script, and plus I was tired, so I went to bed earlier than the rest. 

The last day was NERVE-WRECKING. It was pretty sad too because we were going to say goodbye to all our newfound friends. We managed to present to the Mr Heng and other guests. There was some slip-up on stage but I think we took it in our stride. Standing in front of so many people was really scary, but it was a really great experience and proud moment! :) 

The day finally ended with a really nice buffet. Hugs were exchanged and people cried! :') 

I never thought that I would get so close to those friends in my group. The unexpected friendships between us struck me on the last day and I realised that I was going to miss them. They were so funny, and I think that our group just had this natural chemistry :)

I went home with Sharyuen (THIS SUPER BLUR FUNNY GIRL), Joan, Dion from my group. Felt tired, but fulfilled.

In the end, what really stuck with me after the whole pre-u sem was the experiences and funny moments I had with my new friends! :)

Hectic, and boring

Havent been blogging lately because of many things that are going on. How funny that while my life is hectic, with so may things going on, it's boring as well. It is kind of sad that I do not take much interest into whatever that I am doing now.

As usual, exams are around that corner (in 2 days, in fact). Studying this holiday has been... so unfulfilling (in accordance to my emotional level at least). I have not been able to enjoy myself, with the exception of the pre-u seminar - which allowed me to make a lot of friends and gain loads of experience (shall blog about this another time). 

I've just finished editing and am now printing this bunch of economics notes that I did with Joelle and Dion. So proud :'D hahahaha.

Right now, the few things that I have ahead of me are these:

- Common tests

- Guitar handover

- Sports carnival

- Some random workout with purple buds (if we have one)

- Movie outing (someday! I want to watch Man of Steel, Despicable Me 2, etc etc!)

- Catching up on my TIME mags

Anyway, during the holidays, I found a few songs that are really awesome and basically, I have been just listening to them over and over again this whole month :)

They are all found in my playlist (sry if some songs can't be played!) and here's some more to add on:

明明就 by Jay Chou

Brave by Sara (I dunno how to spell her surname)

Unchartered, also by Sara

Off to studying economics now!