the future

I just had a gathering with a group of close friends yesterday. Though there were probably some incidents along the way, overall, I had a lot of fun. We had steamboat (we bought too much food) and talked about random stuff. While chatting, somehow the topic of our future love interests kept coming. Though it will probably be something that all of us with interact sometime, it still feels very distant and alien to someone like me who has zero dating / falling in love experience. 

We predicted what characteristics our future boyfriends would possess and questioned a lot of possible scenarios that may happen. It was a lot of fun, but it also made me feel weird, because everything just still seems so far-fetched. I think it is the effect of being in the same school for 6 years; somehow, I feel as if time is standing still and that I have not grown up to be an 'adult' yet. (Speaking of which, I really hate adult fare prices for public transport.) The idea of going to school is still very familiar to me. Frankly, it is also the thought of the familiar that makes me afraid of the thought of the unknown - university, new friends, workplaces, colleagues. Somehow, I do feel like I want to be stuck in this continuum forever.

Which also leads me to talk about my applications for universities and scholarships. There is a scholarship which I am really interested in and I really hope that I will be able to get in for it. Yet, the fear of disappointment always looms (not that it stops me from trying). Somehow, previous disappointments still hang around in my mind and I have always had some inclination towards pessimism ever since then.

I can only do my best and hope that everything goes well.

And that my friends will always be a constant :)