the end

    The end of the school term is nearing; the last day is tomorrow. I guess looking back on this year, it was rather a year of insecurities, new-found friendship, opening up, frustrations, disappointments, relief and lastly, happiness.

    The year had started with its fair share of problems - I was in a new class with new people whom I either saw, but did not knew, or did not knew existed in school before (how anti-social I am). I was feeling quite out-of-place, I guess. I did confide some of these feelings with my friend, and was surprised to find out that hey, I am not the only one! I guess I thought that I was the only one who would feel this way, but I was relieved to know that I was not alone.

    New friendships were forged between my new classmates, almost strangers before, and I. This kind of feeling is kind of exhilarating. Knowing that I can still make friends after being with the same class for 2 years is kind of reassuring in a way, I guess. :)

    This year was also a year where I had gone through some roller-coaster ride I guess. One of which was the MPP journey. I must confess that not everything is as perfect as it seems. I guess this happens because of our lack of willingness to give our best for something - we want something, but are not willing to work hard for it. Because of my team members' lack of enthusiasm and initiative, I got really frustrated and upset. I was fuming inside because I was astounded to their degree of 'unwillingness'. Because of that, I typed an email (while trying to be as polite as possible, but I believe I failed) expressing my disappointment with their attitude. What happened, was I guess really just a confession of my feelings as well as theirs. I think that after seeing things from my perspective, they are able to understand the tough spot I am in as the group leader. And I also believe that by winning the best Gov debate team award, it was a stamp of approval of us, and a definite boost to our confidence. I know that they were able to do it, and this was proof of it. :)

    I was also facing some insecurities, not just with my class, but with my CCA as well. After all, I had transferred, thus making my transition a bit 'weird'. The fact that I am not spectacular or proficient in my chinese adds on to the awkwardness. After hearing some things that I shouldn't, and did not want to, I felt really sad and angry. At myself as well as others. A million thoughts had ran through my head and I wondered, if it was not due to the single mistake of who-knows-who, how different might my secondary school life have turned out? I have since accepted the truth of it. Since it's already done, then it is done. What I am just really looking forward to now, is to just pass this phase and look forward to the next. And I promise that I will definitely get things the way I want in the future.

    I would like to say that academic-wise, I am not doing too badly. My wish would be to get into the top 5% of my level. I would see if that comes true tomorrow. *excited* Although, I do feel that I could have done better. I have worked hard, of course. But perhaps if I had worked harder, I would have been better. This is what I always regret, but then it is the driving force for me as well.

    Oh look! And there is a whole reflection from my about me whole year! My teachers would have been proud of me. :)

    Just one more year to senior high!

Exams

1 more week to exams...

I really feel quite frustrated, because I still don't feel like exams are coming...
But, I am really looking forward to the holidays!!! 2 months of it :D *happy*

I should really get into my exam mood more quickly... like now.

Okay, it's totally not working.

Books

The school celebrated Teacher's Day cum Mid-Autumn festival. The concert was really good, I must say! Hope that every concert can be like that too :)

I went to the Borders sale with Iris and my auntie. There were so many books! But the content was a little disappointing as most of them were cliche romances. I bought two books - Rupture and The Senator's Wife. Rupture looks quite good I think. I only bought the Senator's Wife because it was on A HUGE discount, and because it is supposed to be a national bestseller! x)

We then went for the John Little sale at the next expo hall! THERE WERE SO MANY STUFF!!!! And they were on discount~!! I think that although we went to expo for Borders, we bought more stuff from John Little instead, heehee ;P

I still have quite a lot of homework. Mostly project work.
I still have AEP. I think that I am going to quit it next year. It is giving me unnecessary stress, and it ruins my interest in art. D:

A few manga I just found that I really really like:
Hana ni Arashi
Kamisama Hajimemashita
Karakuri Odette

I love the style of drawing in all of them - they are kind of similar :))

Trophy :)

The last day of the MPP programme went unexpectedly well!

We started with some presentations at the MOE Centre at Grange Road.
The journey there was absolutely horrible because of the blisters and ache in our feet that Grace and I got while walking there in court shoes. Also, wearing such formal wear made me feel slightly emabarrassed >

After wearing stockings, wearing court shoes became better. Only that my shoes became looser -.-\\. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A PROBLEM.

Wearing the school blazer felt really cool too! Luckily, we were not the only ones wearing the blazer! :))

The FUN part came when it was the debates. I was REALLY REALLY nervous sitting there, waiting for my turn! It felt like FOREVER!!!! ;D But, when it finally came to my turn, all my nervousness went away, surprisingly! I was really proud of Grace, Yuan Wen and Felix, who did the debates with me! WE WERE AWESOME!

I was even more pleased when a Hwa Chong teacher, whose school we were debating against, praised us on our debating skills!! :DDD SO COOL! ;)

WE WON BEST GOVERNMENT TEAM FOR DEBATES! :)
Overall, even though we thought that the programme was bothersome, looking back, I find that I had enjoyed it!

One person whom I guess I really have to thank would be Grace. Without her, we wouldn't have even participated in this programme. When we had to rush our proposal that was to be sent to the GE Branch, I was hesitating then about backing out, and not even submitting the proposal at all! She was the one who pushed me and the others to give it a try. She was also one of the more hardworking people on the team, so I really want to thank her :))

Thanks also to all my group members: Grace, Yuan Wen, Felix and Mingyu.
Also to my teachers, and our expert-mentors!

This was a really memorable experience :)

Common tests

Currently, my common tests are not bad, judging from what I have done... at least I hope so... HAHA.
I am most worried for my history and language arts paper. Macbeth is a total killer, although I think that the question seemed relatively easy this time round, but they added so many points for us to cover, so I am worried that I have not gotten the points across.
I took the History paper today and out of the millions of questions that they could have tested, they tested one area that I did not study much on - Rise of Japan I was totally dumbfounded and just tried to sound as if I did my homework already. They also tested stuff in the total opposite manner - I was much more confident for impacts of colonialism on Vietnam, and rise of nationalism of Indonesia. But, the history test turned out to be the total opposite -.-
And then, there's AEP too... Oh, that reminds me! I should send the email to the teacher so that she can comment on it P: I hope it goes well...

I wish that the holidays would come sooner!!!! :DD

More time.

The past few days and next week will be filled with common tests. Seriously, I have no idea why is it called a common test, just to make it sound nicer? I would have liked it so much better if they just called it a mid-year exam; that way, I will be able to go back home earlier. :))

I just need more time, I think. It is what everyone needs too. I know that it is my fault that I don't have the time, but truthfully, I am a very lazy person. (Reminds me of "The Lazy Song" -.-) It is true that while I will be able to focus on whatever I am doing, I need to actually start doing it first! Without the motivation, or even excitement to start on a piece of work, I wouldn't feel like it at all. I wonder where all that energy of mine went...

Of course, there is AEP. I am starting to contemplate quitting, although it is true that it will prove useful should I need an additional A to pull up my grades, AEP is not exactly a 'sustainable' choice, unless I am planning to head into the arts department for my work, etc, which is not what I am exactly planning. Also, I could use the time for AEP to study (if I actually do, that is). Recently, the assignment given to us proved to be really time-consuming. We are supposed to design fashion wardrobes. I thought, "Quite easy." I was proven wrong! The teacher even wants us to choose a freaking THEME. We would need to research on the theme's history, culture, etc and come up with some clothings that are inspired by that. Truthfully speaking, my theme isn't exactly that sophisticated. And, there isn't much 'history', or 'culture' to talk about. I was just planning to use Katy Perry as my 'theme', and a few of her songs as the background story behind my creations. Compared to what the teacher mentioned, my idea looks so... superficial(?). Though I really do love Katy Perry :DD The other idea I had was weddings... But is not a very NEW idea. I shall go consult the teacher and decide later. (sigh)

Recently, I keep getting sarcastic remarks from people around me, though I think that they are trying to praise me indirectly, the way they do it is getting to me. I have someone who tells me that I don't have to study because I will still be able to score even if I don't, which totally pisses me off, because I DO STUDY, and because the tone in which she said it was annoying. It is as if she worked hard for it, and I didn't. Another person told me that my art was good, while the tone in which she said it sounded like jealousy. It was something like, "So good, you are good at everything." I was like, WHAT. You all make it sound so easy, but actually it is not. So please, stop sounding jealous. And if whoever whom I'm talking about didn't do it intentionally, then I am sorry for mistaking you.
And I wonder if I actually do the above sometimes... I should really stop sounding so hypocritical, if I do.

I think that I am feeling... happier (?) in my class now...
I've got to talk to so much more people, as compared to last time when I was with the same few people. I really hope that our class is gonna stay really bonded in the coming year :))

Grr. Maybe I should change the link of my blog.
Just so that when I complain, no one really knows. HAHA.

Mooooooooot

So, I am in this programme called MPP.

Shan't divulge too much about this programme in case....

Anyway, our group was selected for the debates.
Even though I am GENUINELY happy about the fact that we got selected, and the fact that we might have to chance to win some trophy (HEEHEE), I am still UPSET over the fact that we have to attend a briefing after school this Friday just for it!

Of ALL days, why choose Friday?!
It is the day when I finally have NO CCA. (Grr.)

But still, I am silently happy that the "higher-ups" seem to be very interested in our topic, apparently.
Because it is something NEW :D

HEEHEE.

I can't help but feel... a little happy :))

--
But then, I was really quite depressed about something that happened on my way home. I shall not say too much about it, but only that I was chatting with this girl.

She was going to tell me something, and was supposedly 'hesitating', but I know that she was really just DYING to tell me the truth/rumour.
When she told me about 'it', it was just utter shock that came to me.
It was because she was so HYPOCRITICAL.
I mean, if you know that the person is not going to like what you are saying, or is going to be hurt because of that, then why even say it in the first place?
And HESITATING before that, while rattling away after you said it?!
WTH. Seriously.

Hypocrites.

Try harder

Even when life fails you, you must always try harder.

Why?

Simply because you don't have a choice.

That must be the easiest decision that Life has ever made for you.
So try your best at it.
And try harder when it doesn't work.

Simple

I have decided to go back to the kind of classic templates that Blogger have been providing.

Apparently, I have decided that simple is nice :)

Somehow, I have suddenly found out that life isn't that perfect, like what I thought it was when I was young.
I thought that I would always be able to do everything, that I would always be the best. Being the best gave me a sense of fulfillment. Now, I'm finding it harder to feel satisfied with what I have achieved.

I guess that's what I have learnt after getting into a secondary school with a whole other lot of smart people - that you cannot always be the best.

Mistakes are made and somethings are lost. I start to wonder what would have happened if I had done something differently? Maybe I should stop trying so hard?

But something in my heart always tell me, I shouldn't lower my standards. :)

One Day

"One Day" by David Nicholls is really just an extraordinary book to me, even though my friends have been denying it and telling me it is boring. Partially because of the fact that I haven't been reading much, I find this book making me fall in love with reading all over again. I am now on a desperate search of more books to make me feel like how "One Day" did.
The picture shown (<) is actually the poster for its movie of the same name. The photograph just looks awesome, doesn't it?
The story is really quite intriguing as it starts off with a scene of Emma and Dexter being in bed together. You expect them to get together or, at least do something, but then, it abruptly fast-forwards to the year after that. This is one of the irritating and  disrupting parts of this book. Though the style is unique and I have to admit that it is essential if you were to carry the story over twenty years, it is just frustrating at times when you want to know about what happens next, not next next! However, I got used to the rhythm of the story after a while. The story started out as being quite boring. Things only started to get heated up after Dexter gets drunk and writes a letter confessing his love for Emma. BUT he loses the letter. That's basically what this whole book is all about - lost opportunities. It makes "One Day" a very nostalgic read; hence, if you are one who are really into happy endings or chick-flick similar stories, this book is not for you.
Throughout the whole book, I was desperately praying and just waiting for the two of them to get together and marry. But, I had to settle for lost opportunities that made the fact that they are meant for each other even more obvious! When they finally do decide to, you feel a wave of relief and exhilaration at the same time, as well as happiness for the two friends, and lovers. That's how close I felt I was to them.
The ending was totally just as how some lives are meant to be - sad. I wouldn't want to say what happens in the end, but I guess the message that "One Day" was trying to put across was to always treasure what's in front of you right now.