pessimist

I have to admit this. I am a pessimist. I try to think the best out of anything. But, I always end up feeling that I could have done better if I had done this, if I had done that.
If I could turn back time. To the time when I was making the decision. I would tell the me back then not to choose it. Maybe things could have been better. Maybe things could have been worse.
So what if it would have been worse?
I do not mind going back there, trying another path, since the one that I have already taken is not exactly what I have expected.
I am just wandering aimlessly. Wondering, what am I doing here?
What is my purpose? Am I going to be someone like Mother Theresa, Albert Einstein or Michael Jackson? Am I going to be a rockstar? Or am I going to be just another one of the billions of nameless, unknown people in the world?
What should I do? What can I do to go towards the path that I am meant for?
What IS my path?
I do not know. 
I wonder and wonder. Ponder and ponder. Think and think.
I get more and more depressed. What am I doing here?
How I wish that the future me would tell me what to do. 
So that I do not have to consider the consequences, the pros and cons. For I would have already known them. And for I would have already known what to expect.
That everything is going to be alright.
I keep rewinding back.
I shouldn't have done that... I should have gone... I should have said that...
All that regret.
I cannot do anything. I am losing confidence.
I am afraid to make choices. Afraid that I would disappoint others. My friends, my family, even strangers who are somehow interconnected to me.
And, eventually, I am afraid that I would disappoint myself.
The myself that once so naively thought that my life was planned out in such a way that it would be smooth, pleasant, free of worry and danger.
I was so naive back then.
I should not have taken everything for granted. I should have worked harder. I should have tried out more things, taken up the chances.
All that regret.
It is welling up inside me.