Time

Finally packed my UK luggage for tomorrow. I am SOO excited because it is the first time I will be travelling out of Asia! HEEHEE. I can't wait for tomorrow~~ I also bought a new luggage for this trip :)

Just to update, I watched Dark Shadows with Dion quite some time ago, at around 21 May? Dark Shadows was quite good, but not as good as some other movies, say Inception. It was quite a feel-good movie. Eva Green was so pretty, heh. There were actually some pretty scary parts as well! Some comedic elements failed though.

Anyway, moving on to the main topic, I do not have enough time! HELP.

While doing out my homework list today, I realised the tons of homework I have to do! There are FIFTEEN holiday homework to do! I just finished one, just now. Furthermore, after my trip to UK, one week would have  been lost. I'll be left with 2 - 3 weeks to finish all that stuff!!

Holiday =/ rest

Holiday = more work

The reality of Singapore kids. I mean, every subject believes that they are the only ones giving the homework, and gives two or three at one go. But the fact is that, almost EVERY subject gives two or three holiday homework. So, that leaves us, the students, to suffer. 

Teachers always complain about how for every homework we do, they have to mark 100 more copies of that same piece of homework. Well, I would rather mark than write. I mean, for every 1000 words we write, the teachers probably only write about 20 words for comments, sometimes only giving what, three ticks?? The thing about students is that, we not only have to write so much, we have to THINK. We have no answer sheet to refer to. AND THINKING REQUIRES SO MUCH ENERGY. 

When teachers mark, they have a set of answer key to refer to. They already know what to look for, so marking becomes quite systematic. Once they get the momentum, the teachers are actually able to mark quite fast. So, the argument that teachers actually require more effort and time than students to mark is not exactly very valid, considering the point of view of students.

I think that students are often not given enough credit for the effort we spend on studying. Sure, study rewards like monetary benefits, edusave etc works, but I mean, we should have something like a STUDENT'S DAY, WHERE NO HOMEWORK IS GIVEN, MIND YOU. I think that students are really something. We absorb so much information, and churn out so much more. Sometimes, our effort does not necessarily give us the results we want either. Whoever said hard work will get you the result you want should just face reality - it doesn't really happen.

This is why there was a period of time (in year 2 I think) when I SERIOUSLY contemplated the idea of leaving school and working. The idea was so appealing then. I was suffering under a lot of a workload - School is weird. There is always this period of nothing, then this period of everything.

But then reality sank in that that was never going to work out. Working requires a certain standard of smartness, meaning a university cert is like, the MINIMUM requirement already, despite the fact that you can actually quit school after taking the PSLE. 

Studying is everything in Singapore. Smart = good, not smart = work harder. This is not a biased view or anything, I mean, my grades are actually pretty good. So it's not like I am complaining because I have poor grades or anything.

I think that I have been blessed, really. My parents sent me to this childcare when I was young, and there, I got a headstart. My brain for math etc was already developed. I think this was why I did well in school. I also think that it had something to do with my genes perhaps. I probably inherited some of my dad's smartness. All these all play a contributing factor. So, if I didn't have all these, I would probably be suffering much more under the education system.
And let's face it, Singapore's education system is mostly based on rote learning, not motivational, creative etc whatever shit they say. Just look at the number of practice papers I have to do as holiday homework. 

And here I am typing away when I could be doing them uh.

URGHHHH. MAINLY WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY IS I HATE STUDYING. 

Which is irritating when people ask me, "Your results are so good, why do you hate (this subject)?" Just because I am good at something doesn't mean I like it. I'm good at math, but I hate math.

Anyway, I think that it would be quite rare to find someone who actually likes studying in Singapore. For this, I mean at least secondary 2 students. Because that is the time when you are seriously sick of studying after 8 years of compulsory education. 

Studying is tiring.

But obviously, studying is necessary. It gets us jobs etc. Without studying, all of us would probably be jobless, which eventually leads to being poor and homeless. The society and economy will collapse. In great fashion. It's just that the way studying is being interpreted and implemented in Singapore is hateful, for students. 

I've heard of a school where the teachers bring the students out to a big green field near their school. The students just sit / lie on the grass, enjoy the scenery and listen to the teacher. Either that, or the teacher gives them a hint/headstart, then the students learn, by themselves. I think that is a truly inspirational way of teaching. We discover for ourselves. Singapore obviously does not have such teaching styles. I mean, you cannot even find a big green field near your school anymore. -.- You get the point.

We teach in a rather uncreative, boring manner.

I think that has to change.

And, stop giving us so much homework.

Green fields

Just some random poems that I wrote when I was waiting for my brother to hand me the vodafone so that I could access the Internet a few days ago...
I am looking forward to my UK trip :))
Hopefully, it will go well, be memorable and awesome!

Green Fields

Looking above the horizon,

I saw nothing.

Endless fields of green,

Dancing to the rhythm of the wind.

Up, down, left, right.

It seems as if it is all they do.

Up, down, left, right.

How simplistic their life must be.

Up, down, left, right.

And yet, how easily they are crushed too.

Up, down, left, right.

A snap to their heads under our feet.

Up, down, left, right.

How weak.

But such weaklings are strong as well;

They bear the brunt of Mother Nature.

Sun, rain, snow, wind.

When does it stop? They never know for sure.

An endless cycle of vicious torture

On their weak bodies as thin as paper.

They know that they must survive this storm,

But they do not know what for.

Many artists, poets, writers and famous leaders

Claims that in Nature, there is much to offer.

But all that I can see at this field of green

Is their piteous, endless suffering.

My World in a Book

Opening a book,

Admiring the fine print,

Smelling the cover,

Trying not to break the bridge.

Absorbing each word,

Guessing its meaning.

Intrigued and disturbed

At plots and endings.

Losing myself,

I am escaping

From the real world

To where I want to be.

Where dreams come true,

There are happy endings.

Boys are good-looking,

And girls are pretty.

But books are words,

Words are not reality.

I have finished my book

And my world is slowly crumbling.

OBS camp

Back from OBS camp about 5 days ago already, but was too lazy to post anything. So, sorry for the long wait!! xD

WATCH 19


Day 1:
It was just horrible.
Most of what I remember from that day was how pissed I was. It was a gradual build-up of my negative feelings. The day before that was Mother's Day. I was supposed to be out celebrating but I ended up feeling so tired and worried about OBS that my day just did not end on a very happy note. Those unhappy feelings flowed over to Day 1 and I started the day feeling queasy and nervous.
We also had to sit under this hot tent/shelter to wait for the boat. IT WAS SUCH A LONG WAIT. And that only helped to intensify my dissatisfaction.
Furthermore, there were some things (I cannot remember what) that revealed the fact that my watch (group) was not very united or organized. I guess this got me frustrated and angrier. A vicious cycle uh.
And poor Yunyi had to put up with my pissed off state. HAHAHA. SO SORRY YUNYI!

Day 2:
Was basically a continuation of Day 1.
Okay, I admit. I was feeling homesick. I really felt 'lost' in the camp - I had questions such as "WHY AM I HERE?" running through my mind.
High elements was basically okay for me despite the fact that I always feel scared before I climb. There were some people who took a long time to complete - so it was really a test of perseverance (for the climbers) and patience (for the onlookers). As an onlooker, I felt really motivated at the beginning. I kept urging people on, telling them where to place their footing. But energy levels DO go down. I got tired, and impatient I guess. That was probably one of my flaws - I GET SUPER IMPATIENT. And, somewhere in my heart, I just started feeling frustrated, ALTHOUGH I KNOW I SHOULD NOT. But I just couldn't help the feeling of frustration and irritation that they were taking so long. It was like there were two sides of me then - one which was impatient and angry, the other still wanted to see my friend make it through. Furthermore, time was running out - we still had a trek to carry out.
That was really an emotional conflict going inside me because I did not know what to do.
SO I JUST KEPT QUIET - best way to avoid any potential conflicts. HAHAH.
Anyway, I managed to climb up the wall pretty easily, except for the fact that I had a slight cramp in my thigh from the lack of regular exercise. However, I did not managed to climb to the highest point. Those who saw the wall would know what I am talking about. Yep, so climbing was considered an achievement for me I guess :DD
Due to the lack of time, my watch just RUSHED THROUGH THE TREKKING TO CAMP 1. It was madness - the bagpack was heavy, we were tired. But the thought for dinner being provided for us was enough to entice us all to move fast. And we made it! :)

Day 3:
Camping at camp 1 wasn't so bad, except that it rained. But then there was shelter at camp 1 so we just kind of continued our interrupted sleep.
I guess I got kind of angry today as well because our tent could not be pitched up because of some problems with the ten-piece. Due to that, our tent group had some slight disagreement on how to dry the tent etc, and that really got on my nerves. (I am so easily affected, I realised)
We then packed and got ready for our land expedition. After getting a taste of the trek yesterday, I was absolutely dreading the land expedition. The bags were supposed to be 1/3 of our weight (IMAGINE THAT!!!).
After we set off, I immediately felt DAMN.... (no words can describe it). It is a mixture of suffering and frustration. Like how you are a mice trapped in a mice trap. You cannot get out and yet, you still have to try every possible method to do so. THAT WAS HOW I FELT. I was collapsing under my bag; I want to STOP MOVING, but I know I cannot do that to my watch. I needed to continue moving on.
In the end, Xuechun exchanged her bag with me -  A BIG THANK YOU TO XUECHUN! (I heard her back got hurt after that; I really felt guilty :(( ) I could move a lot easier after that. And yes, I made an effort to drink my water faster so that I could lighten the load on my bag which she was carrying.
We also had some PROBLEMS during the land expedition. WE WENT THE WRONG WAY - WORST THING TO HAPPEN DURING AN EXPEDITION UH. So we ended up skipping one check point first, then completing the rest. However, when we reached something like a cross roads, where we had to choose if we wanted to complete the last (and skipped) check point - which means 500m up and another 500m down, or just go to campsite straight away (about 1km), we hesitated.
JUST LIKE MY TWO SIDES (HAHAHA):
- One side of me wanted to complete all the checkpoints. Furthermore, the instructor said that there was some significance in every checkpoint we did.
- The practical side of me said no. We were so tired, and furthermore, if we wanted to get to our campsite on time, we would definitely have to skip the last checkpoint.
Everyone did not know what to do, so I just raised my thoughts and said that practically speaking, we will never make it on time to the campsite if we went to the last check point (which was a hill man!!!). This kind of decided things, so we decided to skip the last check point. I guess all of us felt a big regretful, but at that point of time, I really wanted to say this to Watch 19: "I do not think that we have failed. We have walked the long way round, and I believe, that if we had taken the right path then, it would have meant that we would have already completed that check point that we missed. I believe that all the additional road that we have travelled would have allowed us to climb up to the hill, and back down. It was really just bad luck and bad choice. So, just imagine that we have already climbed the hill, because our efforts have shown it." I truly felt that way. Yes, it was a waste that we did not climb that hill, but I truly felt as if we had already climbed it. I felt bad that we had to miss a check point, but I do not see anything wrong with that. It was a wise choice made with the best intentions in mind.
On reaching the campsite, the teacher that had been following us during the whole land expedition was leaving. She said this, which really really comforted us, "Thank you for allowing me to accompany you. And thank you for not climbing up the hill." Although we all knew that she meant it in a because-I-was-tired-as-well manner, her words really comforted us at that point of time, and we needed that comfort.
Oh, and we tried to use the natural toilet. Zephania, zixin, yunyi, xuechun and I went into the 'woods' and dug a few holes. All of us actually made up our minds to do the big business aka shit, but none of us could, HAHAHAH. Because the feeling/ mood wasn't there!!! XD
And I overheard Eugene asking Louis for tissue paper (AWKWARD MOMENT when you realise what's he going to do).

Day 4:
We were supposed to have century (it's pronounced the same way but spelled differently I think.And I don't know how to spell it so let's just leave it as that) duty. Upon waking up, my tent mates immediately knew it was going to rain, HEAVILY. There was lightning and thunder everywhere. It was actually quite frightening. We only did our duty for like 5 minutes, then went back to our tents in our ponchos to wait for the rain. How helpless we were.
The rain came, fast and heavy. We just sat in our tents, waiting for it to stop.
It rained for about 1 and a half hours, which totally screwed up our time-tables and schedules for the day. But it was actually quite nice to sleep in the tents, in our ponchos, with the tent leaking. A WHOLE NEW EXPERIENCE MAN. But my butt seriously ached after that (and it still is!!!! D:)
The rain finally stopped. We had to pack our tents (huge amounts of effort involved in packing a WET tent). One of our watches' tents got infested by ants because they left the trash near their tent. We were seriously behind time so I just told them to pack it in. I helped pack it in - I was frustrated and did unimaginable things like touching an ant-infested tent with my bare hands. The ants climbed onto my arms and BIT ME. IT WAS SO PAINFUL. AND THERE WERE SO MANY. Some even crawled under my track pants =_=
Finally, we managed to pack everything. We went kayaking, I peed into the ocean before kayaking. Yeap, I know it's gross but when you have no toilets there, it's the best option available.
Kayaking was tiring, but damn fun for me.
I was HAPPIEST at the beginning of the sea expedition.
Basically, it is because 1) OBS camp is ending. 2) There is no heavy bagpack on my shoulder. 3) I love the feeling of drifting in the ocean - I had been looking forward to kayaking because OBS started.
I was feeling damn high then. Especially after Yunyi and I waited for some slow kayakers, and the instructors started playing Fantastic Baby. The rush we both got made us pedal so fast that we caught up from the last to the front :DD
But towards the end, we ended up feeling quite down in the spirits. Yeehan (the navigator) told us that we were halfway there (though we were not hahaha), and the instructors told us the hard truth. Everyone's spirits went down, and we started pedalling slower. It was an especially trying time because we could have all given up and just drifted in the ocean forever. But we still pushed on (I mean, we had to). I think it really built up our level of tolerance for obstacles. When we finally saw Camp 2, there was a sigh of relief. Not much celebration, just relief. Like how I feel everytime I finish my 2.4km. We were just very tired, relieved, and glad that we did not have to pedal anymore.
After the exhausting process of clean up, we had to bathe etc. It was during this time I guess that I kinda took charge. I did not bother to take charge the past few days because I was feeling really down in the dumps, and there was always someone to rely on, like Shuwen. I guess I felt better after the kayak, and so bothered to actually do something. LOL. I think leadership really depends on the circumstances. BUT IT WAS SO CHAOTIC DURING THAT TIME. Because everyone had to bathe, the lifevests had to be taken out etc. There were so many things...
After that, we had our celebration dinner. Jaime managed to crap so many stuff out eh. But some of our dishes were not very tasty because we did not get our share of vegetable stock, so most stuff tasted bland.
That night, we had a pretty good sleep. My tent mates chatted a bit (the first of many nights). I guess we all felt for once, truly happy then.

Day 5:
Day of packing up.
Zixin and I took charge that day (my taking charge feel is still going on from Day 4).
Packing up was really COOL. BECAUSE THE WHOLE WATCH WORKED TOGETHER THEN. I mean, we gave out the parts, but then everyone still did their job properly and diligently. That was what was missing on Day 1. I finally saw it in Day 5 - and I felt kinda happy :DD
Shao shan, zixin, Nadia (instructor) and I were scrubbing the pot with soil. We chatted quite a bit and I think we really bonded during that time, which was really cool because that was probably the few times we had an intimate talk with the instructor.
We lost 2 jack knives - gotta pay Cherlyn for that (someone remind me!!).
After reaching Singapore, I felt really liberated, but sad at the same time. I guess some part of me will still miss OBS. It opened my eyes and made me experience new things that I would not have dared to try for. This whole memory will stay with me forever :)
And we ate lunch at compass point with a few of us after that -  great lunch :DDD

AND I THINK I HAVE TAILBONE PAIN. Because of sitting on the hard ground in an improper way during OBS. DD: Hope it cures itself naturally!!!! IT'S DAMN PAIN SOMETIMES WHEN I STAND UP AFTER I SIT.

Oh yes, I bought three books today. Gonna start reading them :))
And, I got into Hufflepuff for Pottermore D: (I wanted Slytherin) but whatever, I think I will stop playing it after a while though.

I am too lazy to start packing for the UK trip ~~~

CS concert

CS concert was really tiring, but worth it in the end.

AND I DID SAY THAT I WAS NOT GOING TO CRY.
BUT I STILL DID.

HAHAHAHA.
I guess while standing on stage, the feelings just overwhelmed me and I felt like crying.
I've also realised that the more people you hug, the more you feel like crying.
The urge gets stronger with every hug.
Because at that special moment of our lives, we all share a bond.

CS concert was full house, which was an encouraging thing for all of us.
It really helped pushed us to go further and work harder, because we did not want to disappoint the audience.

Thinking back, I did not have especially close relationships with anyone.
But the experience of going through a CS concert together is something that we all share. It is something that we all relate to; and that gives us a certain, albeit small, sense of belonging.

When the whole concert ended, I felt a mix of relief, happiness and sadness.
Relief that it is finally over,
Happiness that we did well,
And sadness that it is over.

Conflicting emotions are the hardest to handle.

I guess that while I was complaining at the time during rehearsals, I will still look back on such memories fondly. Not because they were that perfect, but because they were that imperfect. That's what makes them worth remembering.

Anyway, I am working on a few projects these days - and it is totally pissing me off -.-
I wonder who comes up with such projects uh. SUCH CREATIVITY. Just do not experiment it on us, please. Specifically, the physics boat project - most annoying project ever! JUST SINK THE BOAT MAN. Maybe we should have a competition for the fastest sinking boat =.=

Oh, and I got back some results for my common tests...
Math 1: A+
Math 2: A
Chinese: B (lol)
Physics: A/A+ (there are some mistakes with a question)
History: B (haiz)
I guess my results are deteriorating...

And my literature role play is not done yet...
D':

This week is going to be horrible.
AND THERE IS LEVEL CAMP NEXT WEEK O.O

Exhausted

So here I am typing this at 12.30am.

In 8 hours time, I will be in school meeting with other peers.
I might as well make my way there now -.-

I AM SO TIRED. EXHAUSTED. DRAINED.
DEPRIVED. OF. SLEEP.

I really really want to sleep, but my juniors aren't actually answering my smses.
And here I am, waiting for their emails.

I ABSOLUTELY HATE THIS WAITING GAME.
You wonder every second, "Is it going to happen now?"
And you end up being disappointed because it never happens =.=

Okay, I am being very angsty and grouchy these days.
Oh, but who cares?

I've got another bad news - my literature role play presentation day CLASHES WITH MY MOVIE OUTING FOR THE AVENGERS. WTS.
Every thing is going the wrong way down.
I mean, that is one of the things that I really looked forward to. Why take it away from me?! *sulks*

And, there is the physics boat assignment.
My group's boat is bound to sink, provided there is even a boat in the first place.
Everyone's boats are out and that is seriously freaking me out.
I am going to spend the rest of me days worrying about the boat.
The boat. The boat. The boat. The boat. The boat. <- that's how my brain is gonna look like.

Anyway, I had rehearsals for the CS concert today.
WE SOLD OUT ALL OUR TICKETS ;D
It was really a pleasant surprise because honestly, I never really thought full house would be possible.

Today's tech run was not smooth-sailing AT ALL.
There were this 'professional' techs who were supposed to come in to help us, but instead made things worse -.- seriously, why are we paying them?
Then, there was this problem with the lights not being shone on the actors' faces. And the teacher kept insisting on having a light there when it was impossible, unless she climbs up and adjusts the light herself.

Argh, so tired.
My junior has sent me the stuff, and I'm done now! Gonna go zzzzzz!

Rather excited for the performance tomorrow :))

The Problem with Group Work

Tomorrow's when I need to hand in my ACE ATT 2. Remember me mentioning it in my previous post? Yeap, the deadline is tomorrow. AND they do not even spare a thought for us after all the common tests that we have been through. HOW KIND.

Now, I really wish that everyday was a common test day. At least that would have been a valid reason for me to procrastinate on whatever it is that I am supposed to do.

You know, sometimes, I get really tired of just... doing things.

It seems like I am always the one trying to get people to get things done, and it is really frustrating at times. Firstly, I am not some super human. I already have problems trying to keep myself at least feeling moderately happy (mental health matters) with all this shitload that's been going on. I CANNOT LOOK OUT FOR MYSELF AND EVERYBODY ELSE.

Sometimes, I really feel like knocking some people's heads and screaming at their face, telling them to take care of themselves and not rely on me.

At least have some initiative to say, "hey the deadline's approaching, why don't we start on this..."

DON'T WAIT.

JUST START. 

I would be better off. 

The whole group would be better off.

This is the problem with group work, and why I really really prefer individual work at times.

The second one is the worst problem - it is when they really try hard, but I am not impressed.

You know, I am an INTP (you can go check that one out) and the test shows that I HATE STUPID PEOPLE. I am really sorry but that is somehow true with me. I get really irritated when people give me work which are just not up to my standard, and yet, I CANNOT BLAME THEM. 

So, I get frustrated by myself.

And all this ranting on blog appears.

By the way, not everything written here is pertaining to ACE ATT 2 - it is an accumulation of ALL MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE HORRORS OF GROUP WORK.

Moving on, the third problem also recently surfaced. It is when I get into a group with another leader-type.

In such a situation, two scenarios can appear:

1. I am happy and I let that person take over as the leader (rest time for me!)

2. That leader and I have opposing views - AND WW3 HAPPENS.

SEE, THERE IS ALWAYS A PROBLEM. 

This really happened this year and lots of SPARKS FLEW (in a bad way). Everyone should know what happens when there are two alpha males in a pack. Furthermore, there were three in my case - HMMMMM.

Being a leader type, we always want our ideas implemented. I mean, I am slightly more flexible. If I hear an idea that is much more awesome than mine, I would use it instead.

BUT SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST SO STUBBORN, MAINLY LEADER TYPES.

The last and final problem is the most irritating. 

WHEN NATURE GOES AGAINST YOU.

Printers break down and laptops crash.

Then, I will have to solve a problem which is not really caused by anybody, but still irritating nonetheless. The question will always ring in my head, "WHY ME???"

WHY AM I SO UNLUCKY. Or rather, WHY IS MY GROUP MATE SO UNLUCKY? (which effectively implicates me as well)

These are the reasons why I AM SO SICK OF GROUP WORK.

And, there are SO MANY group projects this year! We had seven ongoing projects AT THE SAME TIME during one point of time.

I wonder why didn't I have such problems in 2k? It was probably because we didn't have that many projects, or because my group mates were just simply fantastic. 

I am not really hinting about anything regarding 4k etc.

It is just that my groupings this year aren't exactly ideal. 

Work always gets into the way of relationships - totally relatable. 

Anyway, there is my CS concert rehearsal tomorrow, which is going to end at 9pm (congrats to self). 

I wonder if I will cry at the end of the concert. 

Maybe not though. I don't really have any emotional attachments to that CCA - sad to say.

And Elaine just followed my blog. YAY. 

And I just followed Huiyi's and Elaine's. HAHA - the things we do.