CS concert

CS concert was really tiring, but worth it in the end.

AND I DID SAY THAT I WAS NOT GOING TO CRY.
BUT I STILL DID.

HAHAHAHA.
I guess while standing on stage, the feelings just overwhelmed me and I felt like crying.
I've also realised that the more people you hug, the more you feel like crying.
The urge gets stronger with every hug.
Because at that special moment of our lives, we all share a bond.

CS concert was full house, which was an encouraging thing for all of us.
It really helped pushed us to go further and work harder, because we did not want to disappoint the audience.

Thinking back, I did not have especially close relationships with anyone.
But the experience of going through a CS concert together is something that we all share. It is something that we all relate to; and that gives us a certain, albeit small, sense of belonging.

When the whole concert ended, I felt a mix of relief, happiness and sadness.
Relief that it is finally over,
Happiness that we did well,
And sadness that it is over.

Conflicting emotions are the hardest to handle.

I guess that while I was complaining at the time during rehearsals, I will still look back on such memories fondly. Not because they were that perfect, but because they were that imperfect. That's what makes them worth remembering.

Anyway, I am working on a few projects these days - and it is totally pissing me off -.-
I wonder who comes up with such projects uh. SUCH CREATIVITY. Just do not experiment it on us, please. Specifically, the physics boat project - most annoying project ever! JUST SINK THE BOAT MAN. Maybe we should have a competition for the fastest sinking boat =.=

Oh, and I got back some results for my common tests...
Math 1: A+
Math 2: A
Chinese: B (lol)
Physics: A/A+ (there are some mistakes with a question)
History: B (haiz)
I guess my results are deteriorating...

And my literature role play is not done yet...
D':

This week is going to be horrible.
AND THERE IS LEVEL CAMP NEXT WEEK O.O

Exhausted

So here I am typing this at 12.30am.

In 8 hours time, I will be in school meeting with other peers.
I might as well make my way there now -.-

I AM SO TIRED. EXHAUSTED. DRAINED.
DEPRIVED. OF. SLEEP.

I really really want to sleep, but my juniors aren't actually answering my smses.
And here I am, waiting for their emails.

I ABSOLUTELY HATE THIS WAITING GAME.
You wonder every second, "Is it going to happen now?"
And you end up being disappointed because it never happens =.=

Okay, I am being very angsty and grouchy these days.
Oh, but who cares?

I've got another bad news - my literature role play presentation day CLASHES WITH MY MOVIE OUTING FOR THE AVENGERS. WTS.
Every thing is going the wrong way down.
I mean, that is one of the things that I really looked forward to. Why take it away from me?! *sulks*

And, there is the physics boat assignment.
My group's boat is bound to sink, provided there is even a boat in the first place.
Everyone's boats are out and that is seriously freaking me out.
I am going to spend the rest of me days worrying about the boat.
The boat. The boat. The boat. The boat. The boat. <- that's how my brain is gonna look like.

Anyway, I had rehearsals for the CS concert today.
WE SOLD OUT ALL OUR TICKETS ;D
It was really a pleasant surprise because honestly, I never really thought full house would be possible.

Today's tech run was not smooth-sailing AT ALL.
There were this 'professional' techs who were supposed to come in to help us, but instead made things worse -.- seriously, why are we paying them?
Then, there was this problem with the lights not being shone on the actors' faces. And the teacher kept insisting on having a light there when it was impossible, unless she climbs up and adjusts the light herself.

Argh, so tired.
My junior has sent me the stuff, and I'm done now! Gonna go zzzzzz!

Rather excited for the performance tomorrow :))

The Problem with Group Work

Tomorrow's when I need to hand in my ACE ATT 2. Remember me mentioning it in my previous post? Yeap, the deadline is tomorrow. AND they do not even spare a thought for us after all the common tests that we have been through. HOW KIND.

Now, I really wish that everyday was a common test day. At least that would have been a valid reason for me to procrastinate on whatever it is that I am supposed to do.

You know, sometimes, I get really tired of just... doing things.

It seems like I am always the one trying to get people to get things done, and it is really frustrating at times. Firstly, I am not some super human. I already have problems trying to keep myself at least feeling moderately happy (mental health matters) with all this shitload that's been going on. I CANNOT LOOK OUT FOR MYSELF AND EVERYBODY ELSE.

Sometimes, I really feel like knocking some people's heads and screaming at their face, telling them to take care of themselves and not rely on me.

At least have some initiative to say, "hey the deadline's approaching, why don't we start on this..."

DON'T WAIT.

JUST START. 

I would be better off. 

The whole group would be better off.

This is the problem with group work, and why I really really prefer individual work at times.

The second one is the worst problem - it is when they really try hard, but I am not impressed.

You know, I am an INTP (you can go check that one out) and the test shows that I HATE STUPID PEOPLE. I am really sorry but that is somehow true with me. I get really irritated when people give me work which are just not up to my standard, and yet, I CANNOT BLAME THEM. 

So, I get frustrated by myself.

And all this ranting on blog appears.

By the way, not everything written here is pertaining to ACE ATT 2 - it is an accumulation of ALL MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE HORRORS OF GROUP WORK.

Moving on, the third problem also recently surfaced. It is when I get into a group with another leader-type.

In such a situation, two scenarios can appear:

1. I am happy and I let that person take over as the leader (rest time for me!)

2. That leader and I have opposing views - AND WW3 HAPPENS.

SEE, THERE IS ALWAYS A PROBLEM. 

This really happened this year and lots of SPARKS FLEW (in a bad way). Everyone should know what happens when there are two alpha males in a pack. Furthermore, there were three in my case - HMMMMM.

Being a leader type, we always want our ideas implemented. I mean, I am slightly more flexible. If I hear an idea that is much more awesome than mine, I would use it instead.

BUT SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST SO STUBBORN, MAINLY LEADER TYPES.

The last and final problem is the most irritating. 

WHEN NATURE GOES AGAINST YOU.

Printers break down and laptops crash.

Then, I will have to solve a problem which is not really caused by anybody, but still irritating nonetheless. The question will always ring in my head, "WHY ME???"

WHY AM I SO UNLUCKY. Or rather, WHY IS MY GROUP MATE SO UNLUCKY? (which effectively implicates me as well)

These are the reasons why I AM SO SICK OF GROUP WORK.

And, there are SO MANY group projects this year! We had seven ongoing projects AT THE SAME TIME during one point of time.

I wonder why didn't I have such problems in 2k? It was probably because we didn't have that many projects, or because my group mates were just simply fantastic. 

I am not really hinting about anything regarding 4k etc.

It is just that my groupings this year aren't exactly ideal. 

Work always gets into the way of relationships - totally relatable. 

Anyway, there is my CS concert rehearsal tomorrow, which is going to end at 9pm (congrats to self). 

I wonder if I will cry at the end of the concert. 

Maybe not though. I don't really have any emotional attachments to that CCA - sad to say.

And Elaine just followed my blog. YAY. 

And I just followed Huiyi's and Elaine's. HAHA - the things we do.

Reaching the goal...

I conquered Chemistry and History papers today!

I was pretty worried for History because I only read on some readings, and frankly speaking, I would have died without my cheatsheet! (For your info, the cheatsheet is allowed! So it is not really cheating!)

I am only left with Maths 2 and Physics - which are pretty okay for me except Trigonometry 3. I was INITIALLY FEELING OKAY about Trigo 3 until everyone in the class started doing the revision worksheet and asking me question on how to do this and that. That started freaking me out - because I did not finish the worksheet. 

One feels calm when one is prepared.

Therefore, I shall ATTEMPT to finish (highly unlikely) to finish the trigo revision worksheets.

Just two more steps (papers) and I WILL BE FREE!! NIKE~

(Note: This guy ran this really long marathon and shouted 'Nike!' at the end - ring any bells?)

Meanwhile, I re-read this mange series called "Ao Haru Ride". 

It's not finished yet - it's translated til Chapter 16. For those of you who find the characters looking really familiar, it is from the same author as "Strobe Edge"!

Strobe Edge really really pleased and surprised me a lot so I was pretty happy to find that she had started on another manga - Au Haru Ride. If I am not wrong, it means the journey of youth (or something along that line). The characters are really well-drawn once again :))

Anyway, I like how this author really goes in-depth into the character's feelings. YOU REALLY SEE THEM DEVELOP. I mean, really. As compared to some other mangas that ARE SO SEEMINGLY SUB-STANDARD NOW uh. In fact, I wonder how she manages to capture the feelings of the characters so well. It's like I can really picture myself feeling like that in that situation - that's how good it gets.

Oh, and Oresama Teacher is JUST SO DAMN FUNNY. 

I think I love how the author for this manga HINTS something, but never really lets it get blown up. It's like there's this tinge of romance, but romance is never the main thing this manga is pushing for. 

And this manga is actually quite suitable for guys because there is FIGHTING. AND IT IS FREAKING AWESOME BECAUSE THIS GIRL IS ACTUALLY FREAKING PRO. She can fight so many guys! (I know it's unbelievable, but in manga, anything can happen.) And it's really nice to see a girl who can ACTUALLY fight for a change - not like those wimpy main characters that always cry.

So Oresama Teacher is becoming one of my favourite manga series :DD

The drawings can get pretty annoying sometimes (I remember I picked it up BEFORE, saw the first chapter and dropped it. Then I PICKED IT UP AGAIN BECAUSE OF AWESOME REVIEWS OF IT) but just keep reading it and it gets better, and you get used to it! :DD

The drawings are good now by the way x)

I am also REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THE AVENGERS, DARK SHADOWS and many many other good movies :DD

The Avengers - seriously anticipating it! IT HAD BETTER BE GOOD. I'm looking out for Captain America, Thor and Black Widow (she rocks!).

Dark Shadows just seem interesting because of Eva Green :D

...

........

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By the way, today's my BIRTHDAY :D

Gonna eat pizza later! :))

childhood

I ate Macdonald's with a group of friends from 4K today because we wanted to finish the mac vouchers that we won from the financial lit class quiz :)

We really had quite a good time I think (at least from my point of view). We chatted and laughed a lot - thanks to Dion!

Oh, just to mention, I am currently having my common tests. I had Language Arts and Chinese yesterday and it's Math 1 and Literature today. The tests were relatively okay, except LA simply because it was the first test and because I did not have enough time (frustrated). 

But it's over! So there's not much I can do for it already :))

Anyway, when going home today, Shermaine and I saw this small kid (a boy) who was let's see, 1 year old? I am not very good at judging a child's age. However, he was adorable and tiny. I think he can barely speak. He was able to walk though. When we walked into the train, the boy just started smiling at Shermaine and I in a very mischievous manner which was cute at the same time. 

After Shermaine left, I was left in the train alone. I continued staring at the boy.

He was fiddling with his grandpa's fingers. When their station arrived, the boy clutched his grandpa's hand, which was too big for his tiny hand. He then reached out and held his grandma's pinky. In doing so, he lost grasp of his grandpa's hand. Eventually, he resorted to holding his grandma's pinky finger and his grandpa's fourth finger. 

I have no idea why but I was captivated by this whole process.

No matter what, the little boy was going to walk out of the train holding both his grandpa and grandma's hands. Despite the tiny fingers he had, he held onto them tightly. 

I continued watching them as the doors closed.

And suddenly, I had this overwhelming urge to cry. 

It was really unexpected. Even as I am typing this, the feelings come rushing back all at once and my eyes tear.

I think it was the feeling of nostalgia. Looking at that little boy, I started to wonder if I was like that once, holding onto my grandparents' hands so tightly. I wondered if I ever held my grandparents' hands that tightly. This is especially important because my grandpa passed away when I was... primary 4? I am not sure. My memories of them are very faint, simply because they are the memories of a child.

I started to wonder if I had actually cherished them and let them know that they were important to me, just as that boy had done with the simple act of holding their hands.

Looking back, I really hoped that I did. Because then I would not have any regrets. The only time when you get to express your true emotions without fear of anything is when you are still clueless about the world, when you are still a child. I hoped that I had shown them that I did indeed treasure them, because I dare not show such feelings now.

When you get older, expressing your feelings become harder, more difficult.

And most of all, I wished for myself to be that little boy.

I wanted to go back to my childhood days. I craved for it there and then.

When you grow older, you start to realise the realities of the world around you. You start being burdened. You start being oppressed. You start being less happy.

I wanted to go back in time then. 

And as I held back my tears in the train, I realised that some things just cannot be done.

Too much on too little

To follow up on my previous post, I have watched the Hunger Games! :D

It was quite good (info: I have not read the book then yet). Katniss was really good (I'VE LOVED HER EVER SINCE X-MEN FIRST CLASS) and Peeta was much more likeable than Gale.

And yes, Gale was ugly and technically useless in the movie. He only appears for let's see, less than 30 minutes and he is listed as one of the main characters. Seriously?! I mean, even Haymitch and Effie had much more scenes, and important tasks to deliver than him. However, I kind of understand because the book is like that. But the order of the names during the credits just pisses me off, still. I mean, he was in the first three names to appear (WHAT.) 

So, on to the main topic. 

Singapore is way too overcrowded.

I just realised that this morning when I was taking the train to school. I took it during the peak hour. At Kovan station, only three(?) people could get into the train carriage. THIS, despite the fact that we have already moved in to the centre of the train cabin, etc. 

SERIOUSLY. PEAK HOURS JUST MEAN PACKED TRAINS, BUT NOT SITUATIONS WHEN SOMEONE CANNOT GET INTO THE TRAIN.

I was really bewildered at that and just thought, "When is enough enough?"

The government said 4 million some years back, and now, it's 6 million. I mean, look around you, how are you actually going to squeeze 6 million people into Singapore, PERMANENTLY. Not to mention those who are staying here temporarily.

I mean, Singapore has 704km2 of space. That means each of us (6 mil) will get about 117.333m2 of space. If I square root it, it will become 10.832m. That would mean that each of us gets a square of about 10m in length! That's still quite a lot, but imagine what happens when MORE people come in!

Look at Australia, they are how many times our size, and look at how many people they have! I think they have only 3-4million people!

I am not being anti-PAP here. I just hope that the government will know when is enough enough.

There is a limit to the amount of land you can reclaim.

There is a limit to the amount of buildings you can build on land.

There is a limit to the population of people you can put on Singapore. 

Furthermore, there are also SO MANY MRT BREAKDOWNS recently. The problem of overcrowding is further highlighted during such situations. Look at the amount of people that are already on the train platform when two trains are missed!

Either that, or they increase the number of trains. I remember that I read somewhere, (one of the most liveable cities) had trains that arrived every 60 secs! IMAGINE THAT. 

Okay, enough about ranting here.

Something also happened last/this week that really got me irritated as well D:<

It has something to do with a project... I should probably blog about it later on this year (after people have forgotten about it :P)

Common tests are coming and I have gotten nothing done yet...

SEE! TOO MUCH AGAIN. TOO MUCH EDUCATION - HAHAHAHA! 

Bonding

I had a little bonding session with Siyun, Shermaine, Xue Chun and Dion today. We went to queue for Free Cone Day today. The queue was astounding as always!

We queued for slightly more than one hour. Our legs were all aching because we had PE previously and some of us ran several rounds around the track. (I ran three, and was worn out already) The process was actually quite torturous and tiring. Some of us were starving and it was obvious that our level of enthusiasm was getting lower by the minute. However, as we neared the ice-cream booth, we got visibly excited.

OUR HARD WORK PAID OFF AND WE GOT THE FREE ICE-CREAMS.

I chose some triple caramel with fudge flavour which was okay although I think the big chocolate bits were quite irritating because I like ice-cream without any additional stuff that requires me to bite through it. Just ice-cream by itself would be good :)

Siyun then left while Sher, Dion, Xuechun and I headed to Popeyes. We are such gluttons! :P

The dinner was really fantastic because we really got to know more about each other. We also laughed a lot at some of our funny incidents. I had this really bad laughing session that could not stop - thanks to Dion! I LAUGHED TILL MY RIBS HURT - THAT WAS HOW BADLY I LAUGHED. 

With our stomachs filled, we went home happily :)

Dion, Sher and I talked some more on the way home - shoot, shag, marry and kill, burn, torture! HAHA. 

I just realised that I am kind of the last to leave.

First there was Siyun, Sher, Dion, Xue chun and I.

Then there was Sher, Dion, Xue Chun and I.

Next there was Dion, Sher and I.

Finally there was Sher and I.

Lastly it was just me.

HAHAHAHAHA. This (^) just dawned on me LOLOL.

But not every happy day ends happily. I was reminded of some unhappy things on the way home and it kind of dampened my spirits again zzz. 

But still, really thanks to the people mentioned who made my day today really fun and interesting! We suffered and enjoyed together! It has been so (quite) long since I had such heart to heart talks about topics that really interested me. It was kind of liberating in a way :)

Looking forward to the Hunger Games tomorrow :D

April

March is over and April is here.

How time flies.

The subtleties of every day creep onto you,

Eat away at you,

Consume you,

And become who you are.

I think I have changed.

Somehow, somewhere,

Inside of me,

I have changed.

But the change is slow,

Ever-changing,

Looming,

I never know when it happens.

I never know where it happens.

Have I changed for the better?

Have I become a better person,

A better citizen,

A better student,

A better friend,

A better daughter,

A better me?

I do not know.

I ask myself this question every year, on a special day.

I think I will ask myself that question again this year, as I marvel in that one day's speciality that is only known to me, that is only truly treasured by me.

Only time will tell.

And with time comes change.

As time passes,

Memories,

Emotions,

and the vibrancy of colours fade.

I will probably forget that I ever wrote this.

Over-ridden

I am being over-ridden with troubles. Heaps of it, in fact.

The lesson today started off with Mr Tay announcing that we have to start on our ACE ATT 2. Didn't we just finish ATT 1? I thought that was over and done with, and then out comes a follow-up project, which will no doubt be followed up by another follow-up project called... ATT 3! Hooray.
Furthermore, I am facing the impending doom of common tests. It is not here yet, but I can already feel its overwhelming presence. I keep thinking that I should do something about it, but am too lazy to take any action.w

A few other projects that I am faced with (let me list them out for easy reference):
- ATT 2 (T3W1)
- Project Work (T2W5)
- Romeo and Juliet play (T2W4)
- Chinese project (T2W4)
- CME project (T2W4)
- Financial Lit project (T2W4)

Perhaps that are more that I cannot remember now... D:

*ripping my hair out in worry and rage*

At the same time, I have so many 'social' stuff to attend to. Yep, I am having so many outings despite the ongoing list of tasks I have.
I am going to watch Hunger Games. And read it too.
I am going to eat free ice-creams on Free Cone Day.
I am going for DHS CO concert.

Speaking of which, if anyone reading this is interested, please attend the Chinese Society (CS) concert! This is my CCA, but I am not performing. I will be helping out with the lighting.
Date: 5 May 2012 (Vesak Day - you can't claim to be busy!!)
Time: 7pm
Venue: Dunman High School (Singapore), Performing Arts Centre
Performances include chinese opera, drama and chinese dance :)
Tickets are sold at $10 for one.
**All performances will be spoken in Chinese.
If any non-Dunmanians are interested, please contact me at sueq51@gmail.com :)
No spam please. I WILL BLOCK AND REPORT YOU.

Anyway, I have just read the novel "The Sealed Letter" by Emma Donoghue, the author of "Room", which I also bought. It centers around the scandal of the Codringtons (you can go check it out) and the characters involved in it.
What makes the characters very believable is the fact that they all have some flaws. You can almost see them as being real people. Not all of them are truly noble, or truly evil.
Helen and Fido are friends whose friendship is threatened when Helen's affairs are found out by her husband, Harry, who presses for a divorce. Fido had helped Helen in the affair a few times and is thus, dragged into this unfortunate mess.
The nature of their friendship quickly unravels amidst revelations, confessions between them and of others. How much of it is truth, and how much lies? There is suspense in every page of the novel - the readers are always left guessing.
The language is vastly different from 'Room'. There is a certain eloquence and exotic-like quality with every sentence. Difficult words that are not often used are mentioned in the book too (useful to have a dictionary on hand). There are some Macbeth quotes in there too - finally, something useful from the education last year! The way of writing is much like the olden times as well. Long sentences which you have to re-read several times to grasp the full meaning. It may prove difficult at first, however, as you progress, you will find the sentences easier to read (at around 1/5 of the book).
THE ENDING WAS A REAL TWIST AND SURPRISE AS WELL. Though I suspected it after I found out what literary award it won...(hint hint)
The ending left much to be satisfied. The feelings of the characters after the trial were mostly left unknown, only Fido's were explained. A 3.75/5 for this book perhaps. The long-windedness at the beginning of the book cost it that 0.25, heh.

Gonna end off here now :))

Delirium... Pandemonium

Do you still remember when I talked about the book "Delirium"?

It is actually part of a trilogy and Pandemonium is the sequel to Delirium.

The whole story focuses on a girl called Lena who is in this world where love is considered a disease. At the age of 16, everyone has to take a injection (or vaccination) that will turn them into loveless being, devoid of sympathy or feeling. The government controls everyone, including who they marry. 

Delirium was really good. The concept of the whole story was good - a world without love. Man without passion. I was really interested in the idea of it and bought the book. The book is captivating - I remember finishing it in one sitting :) However, the only thing that I really did not like were the instances of romance. Somehow, it did not seem to fit in because of the fact that this was supposed to be world without love. There are hardly any moments of intimacy except towards the end. The book really did a good job of building such a scenario without love.

Now, onto Pandemonium. I was really hesitant about buying Pandemonium because there have been sequels that fail, terribly. (The cover looked really good though.) And the words were in a slightly larger print - which I don't like. I like books with small print, somehow it gives them its authentic feeling. However, I still bought it in the end and I finished it in one day :) 

The book was fairly good, although it is not as good as Delirium. I'll give it a 4/5 for the fact that it's a sequel. The language was somewhat lacking in comparison to Delirium. However, it still makes for a pretty good read. Delirium was more about Lena gaining exposure and new insights about the world she lives in - the hard truth VS the lies. Pandemonium was more action packed with Lena getting physically stronger, and smarter. 

*Spoiler - Alex is PRESUMABLY dead, and Lena is slowly getting over his death. Then, she has to keep track of this guy called Julian who is a representative of a Youth organisation against the love disease. You can guess what happens. 

The ending of Pandemonium is perhaps the most upsetting and disappointing part. I was really hoping that this series would be able to avoid the usual cliches (meaning, love triangles -.-). Anyway, Julian and Lena makes an an unusual combination. Alex would be wayyy better because he did what Julian never did - he sacrificed himself for Lena.

I was also hoping that rather than exploring the love as love, Lauren Oliver would explore the love of friendship. Tackle where most teenage fiction writers miss or ignore, instead of going for the cliches of love between the opposite sex. It would be really good to bring back Hana and see what happens  - did she really take the cure? Would she still see Lena as a friend? 

Okay, so mainly what I want is: MAKE THINGS MORE DISASTROUS FOR LENA RATHER THAN GETTING HER INTO A LOVE TRIANGLE. 

Make her feel the dire consequences of a world without love! It would be REALLY good if she goes find Hana and Hana doesn't recognise her. MAKE LENA DEVASTATED. Make her desperate. Of course, it would be best if Lena finally manages to get Hana to feel love (friendship kind) for her again! That would really get readers to treasure the existence of love. RATHER THAN GETTING LENA INTO A LOVE TRIANGLE - REALLY, HOW CAN IT ACTUALLY COME TO SUCH A POINT. I am really disappointed!!! I really expected better for this series.

Especially since it had SUCH A WONDERFUL CONCEPT TO PLAY WITH.

And another thing: How can there be so many resistance members??! I thought they were the minority. And suddenly, there are so many helping Lena out -.- It seems rather unrealistic considering the situation they are in. 

At least one thing that was really good in this book is that there actually WAS a resistance plan - HOORAY. (spoiler!!) I've been wondering throughout Delirium what signs were of resistance were the resistance showing. Get it?? LOL. Also, it would be best to find her mother in the last book - focus on OTHER types of love!

Overall, I think I will still buy the last remaining book - I mean, I've already bought the first two right?? I really hope that the third book would be able to make good use of the concept in the first book :))

-- edited

Anyway, there is an ebook featuring Hana's viewpoint when she went partying while Lena went to look for her that night. I really want to read it!!! :DD Finding some way to do so...